I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
