I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
