if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
