I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
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