Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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