Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
