You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
