dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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