You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
