So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
