I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
