Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So squirting runs in the family.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
