You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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