WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You've changed since you got that strap on
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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