Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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