I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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