Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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