I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
