My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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