apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
