And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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