I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
