I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
