he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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