covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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