Swine flu. Run for my life!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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