I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
