people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize