Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
