Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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