I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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