Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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