he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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