The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
