Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
