my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
