How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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