2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
