Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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