Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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