Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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