Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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