you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
