Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
