Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
