So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
