shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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