Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
