did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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