I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
