Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
