She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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