I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
