i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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