the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i dont even know how to be here
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
