don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize