Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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