Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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