the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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