I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
