sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My pussy is not your playground.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
