i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
