Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
