erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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